How To Prepare For A New Puppy
Pour cold apple juice on the carpet in several places and walk
around barefoot in the dark.
Wear a sock to work that has had the toes shredded by a blender.
Immediately upon waking, stand outside in the rain and dark saying, "Be a
good puppy, go potty now - hurry up - come on, lets go!"
Cover all your best suits with dog hair. Dark suits must use white hair, and
light suits must use dark hair. Also float some hair in your first cup of coffee
in the morning.
Play catch with a wet tennis ball.
Run out in the snow in your bare feet to close the gate.
Tip over a basket of clean laundry; scatter clothing all over the floor.
Leave your underwear on the living room floor, because that's where the dog will
drag it anyway. (Especially when you have company.)
Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of your favorite TV program and
run to the door shouting, "No no! Do that OUTSIDE!" Miss the end of
Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the morning, and don't try to clean it up
until you return from work that evening.
Gouge the leg of the dinning room table several times with a screwdriver -it's
going to get chewed on anyway.
Take a warm and cuddly blanket out of the dryer and immediately wrap it around
yourself. This is the feeling you will get when your puppy falls asleep on your