The Dog Virus


This virus is no joke. It is progressive and dangerous. It will begin with one cute puppy, usually for companionship. You will not realize that you have been infected even when you begin trying to convince your family that foraging for food is more rewarding than buying groceries.

You may not recognize the symptoms even when 90% of your snail mail consists of pet catalogues and show entries, and "sick days" have all been used to visit every dog show within 600 miles. By the time the virus has taken firm hold, you will have reduced your yard to a safe area that can be enjoyed by your dogs. You will be trying to sell the kids swing set to pay for the latest dog toy.

Your computer will threaten to crash because of the huge amounts of dog websites, nutrition sites, programs, rescue lists, advice lists, dog images, and canine health HTML bookmarks that have filled all available. You will "borrow" from your child's college fund or IRA to add more memory.

This virus will take over every room of your house in the form of flyers, catalogues, premium lists, dog toys, dog beds, crates, dog food, and dog treats. You will begin to avoid anyone who doesn't have a dog and try to convert anyone who doesn't know your breed.

Your family will not recognize you unless you're covered with dog hair. You will seriously consider a second mortgage to take advantage of dog toy sales or, even worse, dog show entries. Depression will set in immediately after the last dog show of the season. Your own dog will worry about you. There is no cure.

Thankfully, there are groups where you can talk to others that have been infected and who will understand you. With luck they'll also know of a really good sale on dog food and supplements...

-Author Unknown
(Added 7/20/00)


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